I hate waiting.

I’ve written about this before but I guess, I still hate it and for me it’s a challenge being patient.

When I brought carla to the hospital together with my father and brother-in-law last week, after hearing from them that she could undergo ceasarian section I had no choice but to wait like them and suffer the anxiety of what my sister would experience.

I’m a restless soul. I either sit down or stand up, talk to somebody, read posters or announcements on the wall until I’ve almost memorized them, watch people as they walk past me, eat, listen to the radio if there was one, read a book or newspaper or sleep if there was such a space to do it. If I had a laptop I would bring my work so that I don’t waste time.

I never did like waiting.

That’s also the reason why I waste so many opportunities – I was often told, haste makes waste. So I blow my chances because I failed to wait. But at the same time, I learned from my mom the wisdom of doing two or three or more things that I can at the same time. That way I maximize the time and finish what needs to be done.

I don’t trust myself to be patient.

I might end up dillydallying or miss out altogether on an important task. That’s why I would rather that I keep myself occupied and doing things in order for me to finish my work and not be bogged down with backlogs.

Come to think of it, waiting is something that we always end up doing. It’s the way things happen. If I were to relate better to people, I should learn how to wait for them – to learn, to adopt, to be oriented, to mature, to know me, etc. it’s not a quick fix like applying liquid paper on typo errors or putting things together with mighty bond. At the same time, we wait for our true happiness to come and if we do that then maybe we can achieve and experience it in our lifetime. Otherwise, we die not knowing what it was that was going to make us happy or if we did realize that there was something or someone out there who made us happy; we were just too in a hurry to recognize it or him or her.

On one hand as well, when we learn how to wait, we grow as mature individuals, because we allow others to do their thing without us imposing ourselves on them; we slow down and appreciate the basic things in life and the people around us because we were not in a hurry for the day to pass by. We are able to smile and share to others our heart and wisdom and not just gloss over people as if they were incidentally there while we did our work.

So, even if I don’t like waiting, I will use the time to maximize what other stuff needs to be done and make myself available to meet other people and get to know them better. I will just have to wait.

But between now and such time, I have to wait to gain that patience and wisdom.